Parenting

This past week i have really enjoyed the discussions and videos on parenting. There are a couple things that ahve really impressed me that i would like to share

1. Communication Blocks

Communication blocks are things that get in the way of effective listening. They discourage the child (or anyone)  from continuing to talk and to speak up about how they really feel. These blocks are

• negative expectations
• commanding
• moralizing
• interrogating
• focusing on past mistakes
• being a know it all
• psychologicalizing
• giving advice
• sarcasm

If you want your children (or anyone for that matter) to open up and talk to you then you need to avoid these communication blocks

2. Consequences vs. punishment

There are two different categories of consequences: logical and natural. You should never give punishment but consequences. Punishments are given out of anger and have nothing to do with the behavior. Consequences have to do with the direct behavior and teach a valuable lesson. Most often it is best to let natural consequences take their course so that your child will learn the outcomes of their decisions. There are three circumstances when logical consequences should be implemented.

• when natural consequences are too dangerous
• when the consequences are too far into the future
• when someone else is effected or hurt

Many parents go about disciplining their children the wrong way. They think that grounding and making them miserable is the best way so their kids will “learn a lesson”. On the contrary allowing your children to learn through logical and natural consequences you are giving them the opportunity to progress. Your relationship with them will also probably be stronger.

3. Who owns the problem?

What do you do as a parent when your child comes to you with one of their problems? Use active listening to help coach and encourage them to make a wise decision on their own.  After all it is their problem not yours. But what do you do if the problem effects you?

• first, a polite request to correct behavior
• second, if that doesn’t work  use an “I” message
• then, a firm request is appropriate
• and finally logical consequences can be implemented

You need to treat your child with respect if you want them to respect you and have a good relationship.

4. The “I” message

when__________

I feel__________,

because__________,

and I would like_____________.

Be respectful and don’t raise your voice during the “I” message.

When we correct we must do it with surgical precision. Be specific when giving the “I” message. Associate a feeling you experience with their behavior. Set high expectations for them in the future and hole them responsible for their actions.

5. Children have two essential needs that must me met in a positive manner.

CONTACT/BELONGING —— POWER 

offer freely and often ————— teach to contribute

give responsibility

give choices and consequences